FOURTEEEEN !
before i start ; i'd like to NOTE to elaine : i'm gonna steal your colour-coding people thing. (: yeah ?HIYAAAAA ! i'm FOURTEEN today. i'm getting OLD, OLD, OLD.
i actually blogged before this, but it like massively stuffed up. so i'm going to make this speeeeedy.
i got PRESENTS today ! and YESTERDAY, and on FRIDAY too. :D would you like to hear about them ?
YES. you would. :L
on FRIDAY ; flowers & chocolate & a card from scott because he's just sweet like that. the flowers opened ; they're beautiful. i smile cheesily everytime i see the flowers, hehehe.
YESTERDAY ; thongs & mascara from gen & elaine. i'd wanted the thongs for AGESSSS ; they're white, with a metal havaianas logo. :)
$$ & voucher from my family.
TODAY ; connies & card from the crew ; reena made me the card, it had JAY on the front. ;D so cuteeee ! my SHOES are so pretty. paper watermelon (sounds funny, HAHAHHA) from dorie, and jina let slip that EARPHONES are coming my way from ebay ! JVC marshmallow earphones ; GREEEEEN ! & many "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"s shouted to my face.
TY TY TY everyoneeeeeee !
more later, maybe.
carla. x
i can't think.
the past few days have been very emotionally hectic.unfortunately i can't post my situation up here. because it's too public.
for those who know me, i think you hopefully know what i'm talking about. :)
i can't think properly.
please talk to me.
carla. x
remember that.
i swear, my life is split into two.i have a happy half. that aspect of my life is in colour. people smile, and laugh there.
i also have a depressed half. this half of my life alters from black, grey, and white.
right now.
my depressed half seems to be kicking in.
you're not even gone yet, and i'm already missing you.
i know something's wrong.
please just tell me.
i'll try my hardest to help you, because i don't like it when you're upset, because it upsets me.
excuse my corny-ness. but just let me tell you this.
you are one of my best friends.
when i'm upset, i come to you.
please cheer up.
i love you so much. x
remember that, okay ?
carla. x
you are one of my best friends.
when i'm upset, i come to you.
please cheer up.
i love you so much. x
remember that, okay ?
carla. x
that one.
hello, i just finished reading elaine's blog.that post.
in the rainbow.
yeah, that one.
well, i don't have much to say about that, except that all the things on the list are sincerely sweet & nice. and they kinda made me wanna cry.
i'm too emotional.
more laterss.
carla. x
is it worth it ?
oh my holey moley.i don't even know how i feel anymore.
i feel empty.
like none of the emotions i'm feeling belong to me anymore.
whats wrong with me ?
day by day, my time with you, is becoming gradually limited.
i don't want to think, what this time next year will be like.
you'll be gone. you'll be chasing your own dreams.
and i'll be here, either missing you, or not even sparing a thought for you.
and then there's HIM.
why is everything becoming so confusing for me ?
i can't think straight.
i can hardly act myself.
i think about how many times i've shed tears over you.
is it all worth it ?
maybe, just maybe, all this waiting and crying will result in something in the end.
i just want all this pain to end.
carla. x
confusion.
hi. i don't have long.so i'm going to rush this.
i'm so confused.
i'm so confused i can't even believe myself.
i can't believe what a MESS my life is in.
i now have two choices.
oh no.
i must go. more later. about my terrifyingly messed up life.
carla. x
cross my fingers, hope for the best.
hello ;i am a BIG FAT LOSER, but what else is new ?
i STILL like him.
i told myself like 4894789465153 times that I DON'T LIKE HIM ANYMORE.
but sadly, that method doesn't work.
so now i don't know what to do.
why can't ... love in real life be like it is in dramas ?
somehow ... somehow ... in the end everything seems to go right.
i wish that would happen.
but i can't do anything about it.
all i can do, is cross my fingers, and hope for the best.
i need luck.
carla. x
i'm over you. :)
hello hello hello !i haven't posted for a while, and i have some new to thrust upon you all.
I DON'T LIKE MANGO ANYMORE !
BAHAHAHAH ; i am OVER him !
:) i'm so proud of myself. and surprised.
but goshy, it's so much easier to not like him. i mean, there was hardly any chance with him, and he was at the disapproval of my friends, HAHAHA.
well anyway, i'm very happy.
not pining over him, anyway.
i'm happyyy.
carla. x
studystudystudy.
any year 8 HG`s reading this ;GO STUDY !
you don't wanna end up failing like mee.
carla. x
i just want it all to end.
i just want for all this pain ... to end.please.
carla. x
what do i do ?
i love you so much.but she wants you, and i want you too, in different ways.
she wants you to love her back, and i want you to always be there by my side; a caring friend, a shoulder to cry on, and someone that'll bear-hug me when i'm sad.
you have been an unbelievably good friend.
i can't believe you're going.
i can't accept it.
i wish that time would just slow down.
i don't want 2010 to ever come.
and i wonder, when you leave, will you change?
will you forget me?
will i just be that girl, the one that made you listen to her troubles, and told you all her secrets, made stupid little promises, and trusted you with all her heart to keep them, that you will bit, by bit, forget about?
please don't forget me. i will never, ever, ever forget you.
you will have left a deep impression on my heart, while you leave me, to go chase your dreams.
and the worst thing is, this is only my side of the story.
carla, stop being so selfish.
he wants to leave. every second longer he stays here, hurts him.
i know.
i want his pain to go away.
i want mine to go away too.
so i should just ... let him go.
don't pull him back, don't make him hurt anymore than he does now.
i'm so sorry. but i just can't handle this.
i love you so much. x
ily. x
i have so much to say.i am dedicating posts for people. because i believe that is the only way that i can express all of my current emotions.
the crew. i love you guys so much. you are my support network. when something goes wrong, i go to you guys. i wouldn't be able to live without you guys. i love the way you guys can make me laugh so hard, until i cry. i love everything about you all; and i love all your faults as well as everything else. you are all so beautiful, just the way you are. thank you all, for being there for me. thank you, for sticking through with me even though i am sometimes an epic bitch. you are all truly amazing. i'll always be here for you. ily. x
the g-paac. i admit, over the past few months, i've grown away from you guys, but i still remember those times i'd come you you for support. but now i've found my own group, and you guys have found yours. but remember, you guys still own a special part in my heart, and don't you ever forget that. x
my little brother. god, i don't even know where to start. i love you so unbelievably much. you were there for me, everytime i was down. you listened to me, everytime i complained about how shit my life was. you gave me advice on my selfish thoughts. you didn't complain when i raged at you. i didn't realise until last night, how selfish i was being. i try to listen to your problems, but in the end, it just came back to me and my own. i want to thank you. the only way i can sum all of my thank you's up, is by saying this : thank you, for being there for me. when you leave, i will miss you shitless. so much. i'll miss your "unavailable calls", and your cheesy smile. i love you. x
the force. so i admit i don't know all of you that well, but some of you i know very, very well. you guys make me laugh, a lot. elaine, the advice you've given me has helped me, a lot. even though i still don't know how to put it into play. but i truly, truly thank you, for all the advice you've given me about issues. but i'm scared. i hope you'll always be there giving me good advice. i love you tooo :) x
you, i'll dedicate one to you later. i love you. i admit it. but you don't know it. that's all i can say for now. x
busybusybusy.
oh dear. i am going to be oh-so-busy these next few days. here is my SCHEDULE for today. (& whatever else is on my mind.)7:00 - 7:15 : blogging.
7:15 - 7:30 : maths rev ---> chapter 1 review.
7:30 - 7:45 : dinner.
7:45 - 8:25 : maths revision. ---> finish chapter 1 review, chapter 5 review.
8:25 - 8:30 : break.
8:30 - 8:50 : cont. maths revision.
8:50 - 9:15 : shower.
9:15 - 9:50 : science revision.
9:50 - 9:55 : break.
9:55 - 10:15 : cont. science revision.
10:15 : go brush, & sleep.
NTS; MUST GET SOME EPICK SHIT DONE TODAY.
wish me luck.
carla. x
workworkwork.
helllooo to the pathetically low number of people that i'm guessing follow my blog, :)it was an okay day today. i didn't see you, at all today. and i'm feeling okay; not as bad as i expected. good good (Y)
the weather was horrible. 'twas all hot & sticky, and the bus was very crowded. as usual. a normo was shoving his bag in my face. he was bugging me.
& then i decided to pull the hair of the normo in front of me, because i was bored. (i'm so cool, hehehe.) he turned around was like -deep voice- "what was that?"
so now i am at home. sitting under the A/C, most probably getting sick, yuck.
ah, the insignificant daily doings of an almost 14 year old girl.
i hear the weather is good tomorrow, it shall RAIN, 22 degreeesss.
i like the rain. the rain hides my tears.
SO, i am meant to be working right now.
here is what is currently on my mental to - do list:
textiles folder due thursday.
autobiography speech due tomorrow.
circle geometry hw due saturday.
must start revising for YEARLIES.
oh dear. i'm going to be very busy.
carla. x
should i?
so i was super bored. that's how it all started. and then i remembered i'd promised myself that i would look up GATSBY.so i went onto their official site ; and started watching all these promo videos. goshy, all their site models are so hot, not to mention they have amazing hair. & okay, i am totally fascinated by all the colours, and they smell so goooood.
& then i watched this new promo product video, and i was just so stunned. his hair (may i mention, was totally perfect in the beginning anyway, and he also had an adorable smile, haha), completely transformed from something that was cute, but ordinary, to cute, and AMAZING.
it was all spiked up at the back, and at the front, his fringe was just falling over his eyes.
see, now i'm all inspired, & i really want to get a wolf cut, and style it with GATSBY, HAHAH. but, here are some of the opinions of my friends & mum : i'm too "sweet - looking" to get a wolf cut ; HELL NO. and my mum? my mum said it was a very "rough cut, not suitable for a young girl".
but of course, i shall feel very bad, as i will need to straighten my hair, and then spend lots and lots and lots of $HK cutting it, HAHAH. and if i straighten my dear curls. my natural curls, MIGHT I ADD, i will feel bad! should i?
i shall leave this thought for later.
NTS: favourite the gatsby website.
carla. x
run away.
my day sucked. i saw you approximately 5 times today, and i didn't say hi, or even look you in the eye, because i am such a loser. i need to man up.i wish you knew how i felt. that would make things a whole lot easier, better than now, that i'm running away from the truth.
and the truth is? the truth is, it won't be too long before you're gone. you'll be gone, and i will regret every, single, morning that i had the chance to talk to you, and didn't. and the worst part is, i won't be able to do anything about it.
unless someone decides to invent a time machine (finally), and i can turn the clock back.
i wish that i had to courage to tell you. but i'm scared. i'm scared that you won't be thinking that way, and i will just totally lose all my confidence, and all my hope.
more later. my emotions are currently leaking out bit by bit.
carla. x
