long time no seee.
hello hello! i haven't blogged for like aaagesss, so i decided to take some time for it todayy. :)well, a lot of things have happened since my last blog. i mean, a LOTTT. i've gone on like 50 emotional rollercoasters, not sure whether i've grown emotionally, or become even more emotionally distraught after. see, yesterday i had a lot of sad & wise words to say, but because BLOGGER WASN'T WORKING, i had to keep it all inside. i'm not patient enough to handwrite it, you see.
BUT, currently, life isn't too bad. i'll brief you!
my friends are sweeter & more supporting than ever. ngaw, you guys are greeeeatt. sometimes, you guys are so sweet, and comforting, and i can cry just thinking about you all. sometimes i know i can be crazy, and totally ridiculous, and ask stupid questions, but i love it how you still stick by me. i love the way you can cheer me up, and make things turn around. i love you all SO much, life would not be the same without you guys. i love the crew. <3
YOU. hopefully you know who you are. you're confusing me. you make me smile. you make me cry. you make me happy. you make me sad. but sometimes, i just really want to know what you're thinking. are you trying to make me hate you? because that's not going to work. i care about you too much. but gosh, sometimes you scare the shit out of me. please, please, please, don't lie to me. i hate it when you do that. and i hate it when i can't tell when you're lying or not. and sometimes i don't even know if you give a shit about me. because i definitely do about you. and when you leave, i will miss you. so much. x
him. oh, goshy. i don't even know how i feel about you. i mean, i know i definitely still like you. a lot. a whole, damn, lot. but do i want you? i've been asking myself that question for the past few days. dammit, you're so hard to figure out. sometimes i'm so confused about you. there's so much that i feel about you, but it's just so hard to write it down in words. or even SAY. sometimes, i wonder if you'd ever find out. and i ask myself, if you did, how would i feel? and the answer? i don't know. i don't have that long. a year isn't that much. what do i do? help me out here. i like you. i like you. please see it. x
i love you all.
carla. x
...
hello, dear blog. seems like you're the only one that cares about me now.do you know those moments, where you just feel... empty? god, i feel like that. i feel like an effing empty shell. i mean, i know it's not the end of the world, but to me. it might as well be. god. i make such a big deal out of things. i have some sort of emotional dysfunction that i seriously need to cure. to other people, it seems like i'm just making a really big deal out of this, but it means so much to me. i just feel so... unwanted. someone help me.
screw this.
carla. x
061009 at MB's pad.
today was positively hilarious. :) spent the day at mb's pad, would you like to hear about it? course you would.well, we all arrived at michelle's house, and decided to take out all the dvd's and FOOD!
#1 was aladdin, because sylvia insisted on it. LOL it was so funny, ROFL'ed so hard at "Prince Abubu". then we pigged out on the original doritos, and then the tim- tams. we started singing (i.e me and sunny, albeit mine would not count as singing, more like pained wailing) "a whole new world", and we were just wondering what tanya would do if she was here. HAHAHA. THEN, the warheads were opened. goshy, the warheads were SOOO incredibly sour, i swear, i fully screwed up my face for a minute cos it was in my mouth. :/
#2 was the piano. we expressed our hidden talents at piano, especially amanda's knack for sight reading. she's is fascinatingly good! and i found SECRET (!!!!) in the back of michelle's yiruma book, and i started playing. :) i LOVE old pianos. they sound so... good. :) maybe it's because of the romantic notion of old pianos in 不能說的秘密 HAHAHA. :)
#3 beauty and the beast! in the first ten minutes, MB and i decided that belle is really pretty, not just in that cartoon way; she's got really expressive eyes, and she has really nice hair as well HAHAHA. then we full aww'd at chip, cos he's so cute, and it was admitted that the beast was pretty hot. AND, we have found out what he's classified as. here:
me: "seriously, what is he?! i mean, with those horns, IS HE A COW?"
reena: "no... i think he's a beast."
carla: "pfffft, maybe like a buffalo."
reena: "BISON!"
i don't think we even stopped EATING the whole way. HAHAHA. and can you believe, i was still hungry for lunch?
#4 lunch. we paused beauty and the beast, and we made spaghetti. 8) cos i'm such an AWESOME COOK, i decided to make sure the spaghetti was ready. i suggested throwing it against the wall and seeing if it stuck (that is on ms. mcguire's advice HAHAHA). then we just decided to taste it. :)
AND everyone blamed me for not straining the spaghetti properly, so it went all watery :/ PFFT.
#5 kept watching beauty and the beast.
GOSHYY, IT WAS SO FUNNY HAHAHAAAAHA. seriously! when the beast becomes a human, his face. OMG we just cracked up so hard at that.
we reckon he was a hotter beast. :) 'nyways, after that. we pigged out on some more food. 
shocked? we're such pigs, but it tasted soo good.#6 just my luck. pretty good; not much to say, except "WE HATE LINDSAY LOHAN". and i just found out that chris pine is 37. :/ shock of my life.
#7 burning of the popcorn. D: this was incredibly horrible, we expected to hear the nice popping of popcorn, and we'd take it out, and smell butter. but NO. we burnt it D: and we were just watching tv then MB goes "OH NO, it stopped popping!" and we ran to the microwave, and steam was freakin' pouring out of it. we were just like... D: shit. then, the whole HOUSE stank, and so did me and reena's hair.
#8 we made another packet of popcorn. luckily, this one survived, and we had nice, buttery popcorn to eat.
#9 sliding down her stairs. oh GOSH this was funnno!
#10 then we all went home. :)
and btw, michelle's cat hates me. D:
carla. x
nightmare.
hello. i woke up this morning at 7.i had a nightmare. it was so horrible. :(
but i shan't talk about it here because it'll scare you all out of your pants. D:
more later. i'm off to michelle's house!
carla. x
周杰倫; such a shock.
ok. i'm just an almost 14 year old. you can't expect me to be mature all the time, right?well; let me describe the situation to you.
i was on the computer, doing my jane eyre questions, (of course, i wasn't doing anything else, though however bored i was. well, i may have been fixing my cbox, and blog template, but that's all for educational purposes), AND then i heard my tv say: "周杰倫!" i then proceeded to leap out of my seat and ran to the living room. :)
then, the music for 青花瓷 came up, and he was singing LIVE! i mean, i thought that my obsession with him was lessening a little, but NO. i saw his face and heard his beautiful voice, and i was just thinking: "oh, my god. 周杰倫" he's definitely still my celebrity crush. :)
i mean, i know i talk about him too much, (lessening now, because of someone else that i have decided to crush on, haha.), but can you really blame me? i mean, he's so incredibly talented, and he's just so... sweet. and of course, i personally think he's super cute sometimes. have you heard his songs?! eff, they're SO nice! and i get all obsessed over them.
and his accomplishments are all over the world! he's in a hollywood movie! that's not exactly a common thing for a young taiwanese singer. AND he's been in the industry for 10 freakin' years, and he's still as popular as he was when he first came out! have i mentioned his sense of humour is totally cute?! and he plays like 8 instruments, and the way he plays cello and piano is so captivating.
HE is captivating in general.
ah. i need to calm my farm.
carla. x
yesterday?
ok. here it is. my first long, long, blog ever since about like a month.god, yesterday afternoon was so great. i smiled til the point where my cheeks hurt, and i couldn't even get his face out of my head. so i got home, and i totally expected to dream my way through the rest of the day.
but no.
i got home, still kind of in my own little bubble, still thinking about him. then i went on msn. god, i just wanted to tell everything how effing happy i was. then i signed off.
i signed on again, kinda later. and then, one of the people i cared most about said something. i mean, i think i was on an emotional high, and then everything just came crashing down on me at once. this was what was currently going through my mind: "OMG, did he just say that?! f---, that's like 10 f---ing weeks i'm not going to be able to even talk to him." so i raged.
god. i raged so bad at him. i called him selfish about 6 times. but you know, i'm pretty selfish as well. i was thinking about my own fucking emotions, without even thinking about his.
because you know, i guess everything is a two- way relationship. if you do something for yourself, what happens on the other side of it?
because you know, me, being selfish me, didn't even stop for a second to think about how he felt about all this. i mean, maybe he isn't as emotional as i am, but maybe he's just trying to close himself off, before it starts to hurt. (i hope he never reads this, i'll feel like an idiot.)
then i cried the shit out of myself.
so, not the best day, yesterday.
today? i'm still waiting for it to happen.
that's all for now.
carla. x
i'm happy today. :)
i am so happy! there's absolutely no words to describe my happiness. i feel like everyone on the world should be able to feel it. my heart skipped like 50 bazillion beats a second. and i may explain later if i'm feeling slightly sane-er.luck was on my side today. but was it luck? or something else?
carla. x
