yesterday?
ok. here it is. my first long, long, blog ever since about like a month.god, yesterday afternoon was so great. i smiled til the point where my cheeks hurt, and i couldn't even get his face out of my head. so i got home, and i totally expected to dream my way through the rest of the day.
but no.
i got home, still kind of in my own little bubble, still thinking about him. then i went on msn. god, i just wanted to tell everything how effing happy i was. then i signed off.
i signed on again, kinda later. and then, one of the people i cared most about said something. i mean, i think i was on an emotional high, and then everything just came crashing down on me at once. this was what was currently going through my mind: "OMG, did he just say that?! f---, that's like 10 f---ing weeks i'm not going to be able to even talk to him." so i raged.
god. i raged so bad at him. i called him selfish about 6 times. but you know, i'm pretty selfish as well. i was thinking about my own fucking emotions, without even thinking about his.
because you know, i guess everything is a two- way relationship. if you do something for yourself, what happens on the other side of it?
because you know, me, being selfish me, didn't even stop for a second to think about how he felt about all this. i mean, maybe he isn't as emotional as i am, but maybe he's just trying to close himself off, before it starts to hurt. (i hope he never reads this, i'll feel like an idiot.)
then i cried the shit out of myself.
so, not the best day, yesterday.
today? i'm still waiting for it to happen.
that's all for now.
carla. x
